


My Best Guy

by turnupfortrash



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Genderqueer Character, M/M, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 00:56:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14509002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnupfortrash/pseuds/turnupfortrash
Summary: Bucky tries to help his friend navigate the difficult waters that is gender expression in the 1930's.





	My Best Guy

"Do you ever feel like you're just… not right?"

"What do ya mean?" Bucky yawned, words slurred together, as he lay in the grass next to his friend. 

"Well… I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes I just feel like my body's wrong."

"Is this cause you're sick all the time, pal?" Bucky was awake at the worry in their voice, he rolled over to poke his friend in the shoulder. "Being sick don't make you wrong, just means you gotta take it easy sometimes. Ain't nothing wrong with that." 

They sighed, "Just… Never mind, Buck."

* * *

 

It came out in bits and pieces. The clothing changes. The haircut. All these things that shocked and scandalized the old bags at the orphanage. The one that really did them in was the name change.

"I think... I want you to call me Steve."

Bucky was half asleep, curled up in his bed in his room that shouldn't have his friend in it. Something they'd been reprimanded for more than a few times.

"Why ya always got to tell me these things when I'm half asleep? Can't think of what to say this way." Bucky grumbled, sitting up in his bed. 

"No different than any other time of day," His friend smirked, sitting on his bed next to him. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a punk. I get it. So…" Bucky pauses with only a hint of awkwardness. He's relatively proud of himself for that one, maybe being half asleep is of some benefit after all.  "Why Steve?"

"Well, it was my Pa's name. Nice to feel close to him that way, and I just figure if people think I'm a small boy it's probably better than thinking I'm some dame who's practically certifiable." 

"Certi… now, why in the hell would they think that? Ain't nothing wrong with the way you are."

Stel...Steve snorted at him. "You're probably alone in thinking that. I could get away with the clothes but the hair… and hell, sometimes it feels nice to be a fella."

"And other times?"

"Well…I guess I'll just sort that out later."

* * *

 

The nuns don't approve, but they're old enough that it doesn't matter anyway. The minute they hear whispers of sending Steve away to get "fixed" they're out the door. They get a place not far away, just the two of them. Or as close as it can be in an old walk up. Their neighbors are nice enough, they mostly keep to themselves. 

Except for old Mrs.Sanders. She's a busybody. Always peeking out her door to see who is coming and going. Steve says she means well, but Bucky just thinks she's a pain. Luckily for the pair of them she's easily charmed by Steve, calls him a fine young gentleman and goes on about how she wishes other boys were just like him. This is usually said while glaring at Bucky.

Living together is both more of the same and incredibly different. The pair had always been inseparable, much to the consternation of their parents and caregivers. Bucky can't think of a time when he didn't have Steve by his side. Regardless of how he dressed, he's always been the same ol' punk Bucky knew and loved. Loved. Hell, Bucky loved the guy. No denying that.  Regardless of what he called himself or how he dressed. Bucky wasn't sure if that made him some kind of fairy, but if it did then so be it. Long as he had his best guy by his side, things were alright by him. 

* * *

 

He doesn't tell Steve for a while. Doesn't want to pile more on top of him while he's trying to figure things out. Not that he's having much trouble with that. He takes to life as Steve like a fish to water. But it just comes out one day. They're laying on the couch, window propped open with one of Stevie's books, trying to avoiding melting in this summer heat. They're in their skivvies, just boxers and undershirts, and Bucky can't help but think how fucking gorgeous Steve looks. Hair matted to his forehead, eyes closed with those damn mile-long lashes resting against his cheeks. It's almost too much for Bucky to handle. So he blurts it out instead.

"I love you."

Steve's eyes flicker open, he smirks at Bucky. "Yeah, I know."

Bucky punches his arm, "What do ya mean, you know?"

"Did I stutter?"

"No you didn't stutter, ya goddamn punk." Bucky snorted, throwing an arm around Steve and pulling him close. "I fucking mean it though, you know that right Steve?"

"Yeah I know Buck, we're family. I love you too, pal."

Bucky's eyes narrow, he turns Steve to face him. "No, Steve. I'm in love with you. Hell… I think I have been for a long time." 

Steve freezes at that, pushing Bucky's arm off him, his face hardened. "I ain't just no dame, you ready to be some kind of card-carrying Queer, Bucky?"

"Damnit Steve, I don't care if you're a guy or gal. Or hell, even if you're both. You're Steve, you're my friend, my best friend. I'm with you ‘til the end of the line, pal. Yours for better or for worse… well, if you'll have me?"

Steve's face had lost the hardened look during Bucky's little speech. His eyes even seemed a little misty. 

"Aw hell Stevie, I didn't mean to make you cry. Don't cry, please don't cry." Bucky reaches for his hand. 

"I'm not crying, I'm not." Steve denies, even as he tries to wipe away his tears. "I just didn't… I never thought. Buck, you gotta know, when I realized I am… well, the way I am. I didn't think you—or anyone, really—would ever…" 

Steve trails off and Bucky can't help but stare. "Steven Grant Rogers, if you think for one minute that you are anything less, then I have something to tell you. You are the kindest, most sincere person I've ever met. You are a beacon of light in an otherwise dark world. You are the only thing that makes this damn world worth living in sometimes."

Everything is quiet for a moment. Bucky can barely hear Steve's quiet sniffles over how loud his own breath is. That moment seems to last a lifetime before Bucky is aware of Steve roughly cursing before pulling him in by his shirt front. The kiss is harsh and uncoordinated, some combination of frustration and pure desperation that leaves Bucky reeling. 

"I love you too, James Buchanan Barnes. You jerk." 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is meant to be genderqueer/genderfluid!Steve. He's still trying to sort it all out himself and while he prefers male pronouns, his dressing to appear masculine is mostly an attempt at a more socially appropriate form of androgeny. To him, he'd get targeted less for being a slight man then he would for being an overly masculine woman. He also doesn't identify with traditional feminine things and that factors into his preference for male pronouns. 
> 
> Obviously, this isn't all detailed in the fic as my brain told me to write it from Bucky's POV but in case anyone is curious there ya go.


End file.
